6 Truths: A Reflection On Dating A Bartender
As a bartender, I am no stranger to giving advice. At last count there were at least eight weddings, three divorces, two children born out of wedlock, five children born in wedlock and four very happy same-sex marriages as a direct result of advice from yours truly. So when I saw eHarmony's article this week on reasons to date a bartender, I was, of course, delighted, but felt someone owed it to the world to balance out this sage advice from a website that results in 5 percent of all marriages in a country with the world's highest divorce rate.
You will not see them. When you do they will look like they are a hungover and b exhausted. This is because they are a hungover and b exhausted. Whenever you visit a bar together, no matter how stunning you look, their first glance will always be at the spirit selection. If the bar has a poor spirit selection, they will be depressed and listless for eating rest of your evening. Unless you are willing to learn something about aged rum and the subtle nuances of various bitters, they will resent you.
No matter how super-smart they actually are, all your friends will think dating a bartender etiquette have less than three GCSE's to their name and almost certainly in humanities subjects like drama and home economics. Other women will hit on them and they will reciprocate under the guise that all bartenders need to be "professionally single. On a sunny day, when you wish to frolic in the park, they will be hidden in a sweaty pit of duvet moaning in pain at the sunshine creeping dating a bartender etiquette the window like the vampires of old.
Every holiday you take together will have a hidden alcohol theme. You may visit Cuba Havana ClubGuatemala Ron Zacapaand France Hennessy Silver Jubilee but you will never visit Egypt, makes nothing Cambodia less than nothingand Puerto Rico Bacardi. This may be deemed controversial in the USA where you get on average a dollar a drink; however in the UK, Australia and New Zealand you get on average a dollar a fortnight divided between eight of you with a dating a bartender etiquette percentage to the kitchen, so I'm sticking with it.
In fashion, both on shift and off, they will lean toward wearing more black than Gartender Cash at the height of his career and only marginally less than a Hasidic Rabbi. Years of inbuilt cynicism from dealing with the general public means they will believe in no faith, creed or deity but will fly into an uncontrolled state of rapture at the mention of the name Battender Degroff.
Their sexual dating a bartender etiquette will be limited by a bad back caused by years of picking up heavy objects with poor lifting technique. Plus who knows what effect years of living off pizza, KFC, the bar's complimentary peanuts and dubiously coloured staff meals has had on their sperm count. Dzting chances of getting on the property ladder are dating a bartender etiquette, as the pay is so bad it will take you approximately 1, years to get a down-payment together, and then only on a one-bedroom flat in Croydon, Loughton or Dagenham, which will never be cool or trendy.
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IMPACT Reclaim Project Zero Good News. MORE Books Candidate Confessional College Crime Divorce Eat the Press Education Green Outspeak Religion Small Business Sports Teen Bartemder. So here we go. Face facts, your mother is not going to be pleased. Their natural musk will be the faintly perceptible smell of Jagermeister.