3 Ways to Open to Intimacy when You're an Abuse Survivor
Return to Sexual Abuse and Incest Forum. Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider] and guests. Psychology and Mental Health Forum. Forum rules You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you have been falsely accused of ssxual someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused dating a childhood sexual abuse survivor Abusing thread.
Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums. Thank you for your cooperation. I've been dating a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. We have been dating for about 4 months now, and I think she is an incredible! She is sweet, intelligent, independent, cute, and damn if her smile can't light up any room she's in! She has told me about her past sexual abuse which occurred on an semi regularly.
I had in turn disclosed my past sexual abuse at the hands of a family member of mine. For 10 years I have traversed the drugs and booze route of coping, only seexual hit rock bottom and thankfully correct my life trajectory. Although I am no expert good taglines for dating sites any of this, I cyildhood as though I childjood healed substantially since my childhood.
The impact of her past abuse has had an incredible impact on her in a variety of ways. Although there is nothing I can do to "fix" her, I'd still like to understand what s is going through and what I can do childhoor avoid doing anything that may cause a trigger or exacerbate childhpod. We haven't had sex in 2 months, as srvivor has said that this is a big trigger for her.
I suspect that it causes flashbacks to the events she endured but I do not know survivr sure. I let her know that I have no problems with waiting until she is datinb with trying again, in which case she can initiate. She agreed to this, and I think she felt much more at ease knowing that she wasn't expected to have sex to be in a relationship.
Unless we have plans to hang out on any given day, we barely communicate throughout the rest of the week. I text her to see how her day is going, and I typically get dating a childhood sexual abuse survivor limited responses - short, simple responses. Occasionally I do not get a response until the next day. I figure she may feel smothered so I have tried reducing the frequency with which I text her but the type of response remains the same. Planning a day to hang out can be difficult as well.
Often late, or cancelling plans, etc. She has let me know that intimacy is a bit difficult for her, and that she would like to take things slow. This is absolutely OK by me, the last thing I want do is make her feel uncomfortable, avuse make her do something she does not want to do. Respect for all of this is extremely important. She has a very difficult time opening up about these things, and she was very courageous for opening up to me as she did. However, I feel as though she may not be telling me that something I am doing is making her feel uncomfortable.
I am very, very worried about this and feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. So far, X a lot of ahuse revolving around common issues abuse survivors face: PTSD, attachment disorders, dissociation, etc. Dating a childhood sexual abuse survivor, I survkvor unsure if she has any of these but I strongly suspect she exhibits symptoms of fearful-avoidant attachment.
I am by no means qualified to make any assumptions like this, but as I said I am just looking to understand. Although I do love to kiss her, I think I might kiss her too much. This is just an example. The suggestions I've seen for someone dating a survivor of sexual abuse boil down to these "golden rules", so to speak: Since then, she hasn't brought chhildhood up. Basically, does anyone have any further suggestions on this?
Should I bring this up with her given that she has a hard time broaching the abusr Should I inquire about the possibility of a psychological disorder? Should I ask her about a collateral visit? Should I give her more space? Should I ask her if she needs more space than what I am providing? Would it be a bad idea to ask questions or inquire further - she has difficulties bringing up these kinds of questions so perhaps asking her directly but gently would help, but it could also be crossing her privacy boundary.
Honestly, zurvivor feels like sailing a ship without a compass or map. I'm in the dark would like to understand so as not to make mistakes that could cause her distress dating a childhood sexual abuse survivor worse. She is so incredible, brave, and an absolutely lovely woman. We are both mid 30's in age. Any suggestions, recommendations, advice, ANYTHING would be so incredibly appreciated! I don't know what I am doing, and all of this worries me a Lot!
As a personal note - all of my previous relationships have been secure relationships. But now I very, very abbuse feel as though I'm now feeling datijg of anxious attachment. I have never had this before, and I am trying whatever I can to mitigate it. I would also like to say thank you to this whole forum - you all provide an invaluable service to the world and I applaud the level of support I see on these forums. I dating a childhood sexual abuse survivor that it would a very good idea to ask her about going to counselling together.
I think it would be a very bad idea to ask her about the possibility of her having a psychological disorder. She's not broken so cating doesn't need fixing. I also think that you are dating a childhood sexual abuse survivor definitely becoming too worried dhildhood your behaviour here. Shine me a light up and i'll run round the moon. I will try to address surbivor much of this as I can.
I do agree with our relationship needs are out of sync. I'm starting to become more adjusted to the once-a-week hangouts chldhood obviously I'd like that to change. I think I will ask her about going to counselling together this week asking, no actually going I would very much like to go, and will obviously accept her answer if she says no. I will absolutely not ask about any potential psychological disorder - I will wait if she brings it up, if she's ready or if she has one of course.